Czech Republic, in 3-D

from EMMANUELLE IV to Friday the 13th Part III ❣️

The screen and the room were COLOSSAL 🥤

I lost my heart at Panorama Weekend in Varnsdorf. I lunched on steak and fries, drank cokes and piña coladas at the cinema’s in-house restaurant, and watched three movies a day like a queen. I may have missed one of the hallmarks of my film fanatism (the unavailable German version of Kurt Neumann’s Anne Baxter melodrama Carnival Story from 1954, which played at the Technicolor Festival in Karlsruhe) but I stand by my decision nonetheless; I had THE BEST two days of my entire life.

Česká republika, miluji tě! Here a brief diary of a lady theater-goer who paired up her BLACK EMANUELLE & SCARFACE shirts with heart shaped 3D glasses (okay, not really, but can you imagine?!)

Not in this photo but inside this MGM booth there was a fabulous middled-aged lady smoking cigarette after cigarette; a real Eastern Europe sight

Spacehunter: Adventures in The Forbidden Zone (1983)

Awash in muddy terracotas and pinks, this hollow little western/sci-fi rips off the Mad Max franchise and dumbs it down to PG-13. Pixieish brat Nikki (in an early appearance by Molly Ringwald) prances around some pulp magazine planet, encounters enlarged gooey creatures and joins a swashbuckling bounty hunter in the rescuing of three imperiled earth girls — the result is galactic geriatrics, both out of date and overproduced. Presumably Columbia Pictures cranked out this virtually plotless stunt film in order to cash-in on the 3-D bonanza, and indeed its adrenalized antics feel more tantamount to a sideshow attraction than to an inquisitive cinematic adventure. Pauline Kael may have claimed in her scathing 2001 review that “using movies to go on a trip has about as much connection with the art of the film as using one of those Doris Day-Rock Hudson jobs for ideas on how to redecorate your home” but TBF that is how Spacehunter is best enjoyed: as a big chunk of retro joystick nonsense yet endearingly so. Watched a half-blurry 35mm print from the glorious third row.

The Exorcist (1973)

I am obsessed with the typecasting of Mercedes McCambridge. First she antagonized saloon owner Joan Crawford in 1952 western spectacular Johnny Guitar, later she raised hell as a sadistic prison guard in Jess Franco’s repulsive 99 Women and then went on to clamor LICK ME and YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL as the impish devil in Miss Linda Blair. This astounding American classic only gets greater with rewatches, and Reagan’s pungent possession is still a-spookin’ bespectacled schoolboys to this date (many a kiddo attended my screening with a pizza box in hand just to either flee from the theater or consistently look away!). Watched the tamer theatrical cut sans the legendary spider walk from a red-tinted 70mm print. The amount of teen couples at my screening proved that it’s still *the* cherry-coke-flavored-date-night flick par excellence.

the one to the right was called “The Avengers End Game”

Emmanuelle IV (1984)

The pièce de résistance at Panorama Weekend: Francis Leroi’s ethereal, samba-drenched story of erotic self-actualization in eerily immersive anaglyph 3-D. Glamorous Sylvia Kristel undergoes cosmetic surgery in São Paulo (“face, breasts, abdomen — your whole body”) to be reborn as unripe Emmanuelle and spiritually break free from her old flame. The film exchanges the vapid gloss of the previous entries for solemn poetics of an unusually blue kind. Highlights of my tearful viewing include: the tropical lushness of the SEVERAL Brazilian locations, Pornotopia’s Marilyn Jess wrestling naked in the jungle mud (which, for the first time in history, had me longing for the extended hardcore cut…), the marvelously mawkish soundtrack, the uncanny resemblance between Kristel and the elusive Mia Nygren, the silk fabrics, cigarette smoke and drooping flora that appeared breathtaking with my glasses on, and how its theme song sums up Emmanuelle’s life dilemma as having “to choose to love or die”: I wholeheartedly relate. Watched the American version in a pristine 35mm print that I shall never forget.

My two-day ticket also gave me access to a rare 180° cinema with dizzying 70mm attractions such as the gory “DEMON SHOCK”. Sadly the one I attended left a lot to be desired lol

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted (2012)

“THERE’S NOTHING CERTAIN IN SHOW BUSINESS: We’ve eaten caviar and we’ve eaten sawdust” exclaims traveling circus madame Joan Crawford in Technicolor whodunnit Berserk! from 1967. Sadly there is TOO LITTLE of this carnivalesque camp in Noah Baumbach’s script for Madagascar 3, although it made for a riotous matinee as a distinctively 2010’s animated curio (in the jolly showdown, Fireworks by Katy Perry plays in its entirety). Popcorn-guzzling Czech children and film nerds over the age of 30 made for a fittingly colorful audience. Watched it on 35mm with Czech dubbing and German subtitles. The lackluster 3-D projection was littered with interruptions, but imo it only added to the disorderly fun.

Friday The 13th Part III (1982)

movie magazine readers rise up!!!

I genuinely thought Freddy Krueger was in this, which should automatically disqualify any commentary from my part. Embracing the gimmick (as most horror should!), this 3-D slasher opens with a Halloween-esque disco track, pops eyes out of their sockets, teases moviegoers with yo-yo’s, and revels in the killings of stoners, bikers and horny teenagers against a cricket-filled summer-at-the-cabins backdrop. It is simply okay but I blame my boyfriend for overselling it! Watched a chilling 35mm print.

Supergirl in 3-D (1983)

Bustling with Bavarian pie-in-your-face humor and an overused (albeit catchy) kid’s-birthday-style tune reminiscent of Xou de Xuxa, this jaunty German porno is eager to replace boners for chortles, which supplies it with a dignity I seldom find in adult comedies (I hate them!). Czech Marilyn impersonator and forever favorite Olinka Hardiman rides her bike and roller-skates from romp to romp in order to match (surpass?) her husband’s infidelity. It is a real shame that the flick does not seem to have a DVD release or be available online, for its sets brim with glam: they range from a blue 18th-century rococo living room that looks too expensive for an effort of this type, to a peach-walled photographic studio with a touch of Patrick Nagel. To my misfortune I saw the softcore cut after a whole month of bracing myself for the novelty of seeing X at a theater. Watched a certifiably rare 35mm print; the boobs-across-the-screen 3D did not work as well as the other gags, though.